WRITING IN 4 MONTHS THE 10 'MONTHLY' BLOG POSTS I'VE MISSED

posting this troublingly near the end of september...

I’ve got two blog posts in 2026 so far. Eek. But four months is actually a lot of time!! Especially for a procrastinator! And this blog page was created to force myself to write, so force myself to write I shall.

This post, in introduction to my next 9, is a post wherein I justify, finally, to myself, why I am allowed to write. Something I should probably be figuring out in my journal or therapy, but things seem to feel more real when I publish it to be potentially seen. Plus I’m always scared someone will read my diary anyway. Sometimes when returning to old journals I annotate them with things like “never mind lol!”, and “I promise I wasn’t really so sad all the time!” or “How could I have known in grade 6 he would become a trump supporter??”

I heard somewhere recently, of course I can’t remember where, that nobody deserves anything. Nobody deserves anything good or anything bad. It’s a liberating thing to accept, though difficult because I think it actually is true. I don’t deserve to write and have people listen. Nobody does. I should do it because I want to. And because I find it interesting and fun and it isn’t hurting anybody (I think).

Unfortunately, as I explore another substack-esque analysis on why to write a substack-esque article, I am filled with a feeling of "ughhhh nobody wants this do I even want this??!?!?". It’s instinctive, before I even sit down to do what I am so proud of myself for finally sitting down and doing. Nevertheless, we persevere. Because I do want to. And because if I’m writing I can actually call myself a writer without shrivelling up like a person being pickled. I’ve got to get this out so I can move on to my fascinating writings on cover letters and libido and haircuts.

I am publishing this also as a way of forcing myself to keep the promise of 12 blog posts in a year, so anybody reading this (hi!) be sure to hold me accountable.

September Song 1: “Big Dog” by The Last Dinner Party